Last night, I went to sleep at 1am thinking I'd get up at 9am... NOPE! I had to force myself to get up by 11:20am so that I could walk to my 11:45am Pure Barre exercise class.
My friend from my sketch team, Bianca, encouraged me to sign up for ClassPass. (you pay $119/mth and can take different exercise classes around the area) SO I DID! I bought it. Why? because Bianca is my friend, she wants to take spin class with me, she has a nice body, and she works hard for it. I want to be like her. Why? because she's real.
While in the class, I realized that I am WAY WAY out of shape. I've never been this way. My wrists hurt, my ankles hurt, my flexibility is shit, my legs were shaking... I hated feeling like that.
After my work out, I walked home. On my walk I saw a luggage repair shop and went in. I scoured the place for my stolen bowling ball bag, interrogated the owner, and left.
I thought, hmmm I should just go for a run since I'm already sweaty. I'll just go up to my apt and get my earphones... NOPE. I don't want to run. I'm going to sit down for a minute.
Then, my dad calls...
He found out about my blog(he's not on Facebook) He said a lot of my list is money based. So he's going to help me chip away at the list so I'm not as mentally bogged down.
Then, my friend Roxy called... she wanted to know how I was doing, and... offer me a role in a filmed sketch this Saturday! Awesome, right?
I've only been the type of person who... for example: Needs to have paper, so I cut down the tree in a day.
I'm attempting to be a person who: Needs to cut down a tree to eventually make paper, so I remove the branches and "chip away" at the truck. Ah, metaphor.
My dad asked me to make a list of things I'm grateful for. I said I can't do that because I hate everything right now. Here's an attempt:
-people reaching out to me
-my iPhone 6 plus
-my sweatpants from GAP
-my family
I think he wanted me to make a list of my accomplishments... eh whatever.
I have a GST Praxis fitness class reserved for tomorrow at 3pm... whatever the fuck that is!
...next time...go for the run.
ReplyDeletethe endorphins received will help.
when you're ready...focus on something/someone other than you.
read, using funny voices, to sick kids in a hospital.
make them laugh.
read to some elderly people who are more lonely than you can imagine.
warm their hearts.
just pick one thing that is for someone else.
make a difference that is unique to being the real nicole.
do it once.
then do it again.
your heart will regain the art of giving, of yourself, for no other reason than to give.
ask yourself...what would my grandmom say to me right now.
then listen carefully...very carefully...you'll hear her voice whisper, that no matter what you do...you are her brave beautiful nik.
go to church and sit there...you will hear her voice...calming your mind...and soothing your spirit.
in the quiet...think back to all the times you walked up the hill...feel the love that surrounded you in her presence.
go ahead and cry.
it was real.
it was something the two of you still share.
be brave and face the world.
breathe it in...good and bad.
hold onto the good and spit out the bad.
then get up.
and run some more.
feel the power of love pushing you one step more.
that's all it takes...one step more.
i love you muchly little one.