Complete 180

Hello,
I am writing a new blog post because it's been requested. Not only that, but I feel like people could benefit from this. Since my first blog at the end of January(3 months later), I've changed, for the better.

Let me address the problems I was having and the solutions I've found, or still in search of.

• My roommate situation: It was a NIGHTMARE. She refused to leave. She refused to pay bills. I had to threaten her with a 3 day pay or quit notice, in which she finally responded to. She moved out on Feb 1st. It was a miracle. She left her room a disaster: marks/dirt all over the walls/carpets, old disgusting furniture, trash everywhere, a hole in the door, etc. It took me 7 days to clean everything, move the furniture to the street, steam the carpets, etc. I interviewed 10 people off of craigslist. I actually found a handful of people that I liked. I decided to go with a gay guy named Dougie. I say "gay guy" because I've never lived with a gay guy and I've lived with everyone else. He is very responsible and it's going great! Some days when I'm in the kitchen I think: oh shit I better get into my room before *my old roommate* comes out... then I realize that she's gone... and I'm immediately at peace. 
• My apt carpets... are soon clean. I rented a rug doctor from Ralphs and I did all the steam cleaning myself. It took a long time and was tedious. I would recommend it to anyone looking for a cheap way to clean carpets. I've had many people say "wow, your apt looks cleaner" I say "Thanks!" and in my head I say "you have no idea how hard it was to get that compliment"
• My weight. At the top of February, I think, I weighted 140lbs, my heaviest. I say "I think" because I didn't own a scale. Well... thanks to Bianca and ClassPass, I've officially lost 10lbs. It was no easy task. I bought a scale. I bought ClassPass. Classpass is an app that let's you take fitness classes around the area for $120/mth. I LOVE IT!!! I HATE working out, so this let's me go to different gyms everyday so I never get bored. I've tried aerial fitness where you hang on cloth from the ceiling... I hated it because I got motion sickness... BUT I tried it. Every single morning I go to a fitness class. I started off very weak and embarrassed, but I went in saying "Who gives a shit if I don't look like these LA bitches with their Lulu Lemon tights, I'll get there." AND I DID! Now I walk into classes like kickboxing and leave thinking "that was way too easy" Now I'm going to Sweat Garage, Brick Crossfit, Cross Train LA, heated yoga with 5lb weights, etc. I up my weights every week. I have arm muscles that I've never seen before. I eat healthy. I'VE CUT OUT ALCOHOL... to 3 glasses of wine a month. I've cut out soda, salt, and dairy. The only think I adopted was the need for a sweet treat. I have Bianca to blame for that, but BIANCA saved my life!
• My motivation. I get excited to sit in front of my computer and just tear through my to do list. I have mailed postcards and headshots to over 30 agents. Only 2 have responded so far. 1. Above The Line Agency, said no. 2. Trio Talent Agency, said yes, and after 3 meetings I am now represented by them for Commercials!!! I even got a new haircut and added highlights... feels good!
• My friends. I don't really have time for friends. I'm working on so much for myself, and I love it. I see my bowling friends on Wed and Thurs, I see my friends at work, I see my writing friends at meetings, I see my best friends on their birthdays. That's all I really need now. It's funny because when I first wrote my blog, and was borderline suicidal, I didn't even hear from some of my closest friends, but maybe its because they knew I'd pull through. I'm going to give a shout out to some amazing people in my life who have been beyond supportive: Bianca M, Matt W, Joey S, Erika P, and Tom M. Thank you guys so much for your support and love! 
• No pets. Who gives a shit? Don't need one, can't have one. 
• No boyfriend. Who gives a shit? The guys that I use to adore are now trying to talk to me again, and I don't give a shit. It feels great! I went on a date, without alcohol, and it was great. He is an amazing guy. He treated me like I should be treated. 
• My printer. I got it hooked up to my laptop. It really wasn't that hard to do.
• My car. Is still a piece of shit. It needs $1500 of work to pass the smog check, so I'm just going to get a new car. 2 Saturdays ago, my car broke down right before my sketch show. It was a NIGHTMARE! I tried to get it towed, but the tow company was an hour late and by the time they got there, I had to leave it, then I called the cops and they said it was impounded, then after doing a show... the tow company had gotten it back to my apt. There it still sits. I've been taking the bus. I need to save up for a down payment. So, this is still a problem that needs to be solved.
• My serving job. It's still shitty, but I've had a better attitude about it. I want to give yoga the credit for that one. I HATED yoga, but I started taking heated yoga at Earth's Power Yoga, and it's so inspiring. Not only do I sweat my ass off, but it gives me time to reflect on myself and how I treat others. The other day, on a busy as hell shift, a woman I was serving saw how hard I was working and left me $100 tip on a $27 check. A true angel. I think it happened because I prayed the night before. I do, however, see my current serving job as a root to my stress. I think maybe I need a new part time job.
• SAG. SAG is something I'm extremely proud of. In my first blog post, I mentioned that I cheated to get in. Even if that is true... I've had SO many SAG jobs after that. I've paid my dues and attended meetings. I'm completely devoted to SAG. 
• No auditions. I've had some pretty awesome auditions in the last 3 months. I've been busting my ass to get my name/work out there. I paid for a website domain name: www.nicoleleannenelson.com and for a week created my website. I worked on 2 BIG TV shows. I've filmed 2 sketches with HOOCH. I am up for 3 new shows right now!! May is going to be so awesome that I may even have to turn down a job!!!
• Everyone hates me. No, they don't. There are and will always be people who hate on other's successes. I've even seen some people being negative to me and instead of fighting them, I thought, maybe I can change their thoughts about me, and I try to turn things around... half the time it works! 
• My sketch group. HOOCH is my life. However, I fell after our last show... not fall fell... fell in my composure. I started to feel lesser than everyone. While we were out having drinks after the show, I let my emotions get the best of me. I'm still trying to figure it out. Am I mad at myself for not being more attractive than I am? Am I really not that great of a writer as I think? Am I being completely selfish? I don't know. But I professionally apologized for my actions and I'm working on finding out why I feel lesser than everyone else.
• My bills and debt. I am still behind on bills because I need to pay for $350 new headshots on Thursday. I've been saving money by not going out, buying alcohol, expensive foods. All my tax money is gone. So this is still a struggle, but I'm spending my money on things that benefit me now. 
• My landlord is still being hard on me about things like: cleaning the oil in my parking spot from my car, not keeping stuff in my parking spot, blah blah blah... BUT he and I actually talk now and he helped the tow company get my car into my parking spot. So I'd say, success there!
• Can't sleep. I'm still having trouble sleeping at night, but I've started to go to bed no later that 11pm now. That's INSANE, compared to when I used to go to bed at 3am. I can't wake up at 8 am every morning to workout unless I get rest and don't drink the night before. 
• Waking up in the morning. My favorite thing right now is going to my workout at 8am and afterward going to a new cafe nearby. I grab an iced americano, a salad, and call my mom and dad. I tell them all the awesome things happening in my week. It's great! 
• My dad. He will always support me in my career choice. He just hates seeing me in a bad state of mind. I've always said he should be my manager. He has helped me financially all these years out here in LA and I am soooooooo grateful that he is able to do that.
• My siblings. I've been in contact with them a lot more now. We all do Fitbit challenges together. My family is very independent, but we are that way because we are all driven to be great. My mom, brother, and sister are all trying to lose weight too. Fitbit challenges are an awesome family support system. I text my sister almost every week with news. 
• Lastly, my mom. She is the reason I can write this blog post. She is the strongest person I know. If anyone can get beat down and rise up higher EVERY TIME... it's her. She is the shining light in my life. How lucky I am to have been born as her daughter? Thank you God!

All of that being said, I'm am still struggling. I'm struggling to be a nice person, I'm struggling to book a hefty role, I'm struggling with my body image, I'm struggling with money... but I've come a long way. Am I happy? Honestly, I won't say yes. I'm not quite there yet. 

Thank you to everyone how has given a damn about me. 

I've also been going to church and reading about God. I am now a lector there on the weekends. It helps to think of yourself as a child of God. To go out and do God's work. To have him on your side. To witness a miracle whether its tiny or huge. Thank you God.

Until next time.

-Nicole